Trust is a sticky concept, as it requires the truster and trustee to have the same expectations and regularly communicate any changes to such. Depending on the way in which the trust has been broken and the flexibility of both the wronged and wronger, it could easily be repaired or eternally shattered.
Plus, people make mistakes. People make mistakes in both act, and self-assessment. By the latter, I mean that few people honestly recognize who they are. Most people overestimate their reliability, fidelity, and faithfulness. So promises based on false and faulty self-analysis are often broken.
Furthermore, promises are based on other-assessment. So saying, for example, “I would never stray,” requires (for most people) that the conditions that existed at the time of the promise don’t change radically.
That probably sounds douchy to a lot of people, but I think it’s really a matter of degree. For example, I think we can all agree that in a monogamous relationship someone would be a douche for straying if their partner had a headache one night. I suspect the number of people who think that would drop significantly if the partner were instead in a persistent vegetative state. Those are extremes, of course, but somewhere along that continuum is boundary condition for almost all people. Some people will accept greater changes from initial conditions before they feel that their promise no longer holds…but most who honestly self-assess will realize that somewhere along that line is the point where the person and conditions that existed when they made the promise no longer exist.
So…can trust be rebuilt once it’s broken? Depends. Depends on the parties, the betrayal, the initial conditions, the change in conditions, the flexibility of the wronged, the flexibility of the wronger, and the desire of the parties to repair.
That last one is probably the biggest one. I’ve known people who are one-strike absolutists and those who are like water. Personally, I try to be more like water, flowing around the obstacles in life. I don’t always succeed, but I try.
But really, the key to repairing trust is the openness of the parties to do so and to communicate clearly about what went wrong, how and why it went wrong, and how to mitigate or accept that in the future.
Would you ever go back door?
I go back door all the time. It’s closer to the parking lot.
I think you misunderstood anon’s question.
I believe anon wants to know if you’d be interested in playing on her basketball team and she runs the Princeton offense.
think about it.
ScoFri hits yet another homerun!
You know I think of Canada as our cute little cousin Oliver of the north.