March 2012
As I just saw a popular person make the same Bowie joke (actually, much clunkier than mine) hours later and to great acclaim, I was reminded what I’ve always hated about social media.
I know it sounds petty and whiny, but I write the damn jokes to make people laugh. I only get a very small amount of feedback and feel like a dick everytime I push, self-promote, wave my hands, or complain....
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“Lambda: The Forbidden Empty String. #ObscureAndDated”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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“The crazy old roboticist spent years perfecting his JLoBot. I admire that tin...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
February 2012
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“In unrelated news, David Bowie announces he’s dropping his stage name.”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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“Pope John XXIII once spent three weeks wrapped in a cocoon because of a typo in...”
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“. @the_davislove Thought Portlanders had a symbiotic coating of moisture-loving...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Lengua!
The tongue came out of the water bath last night and I finished it up—de-membraned it; chopped it up; crisped it up in a pan—and packed it up. We went out for dinner so I actually didn’t get to eat the tongue last night. Had some this morning, though.
Awesome.
It was my first time making the big beastie, so I chose the safest route possible and used a Kenji recipe. I’ve never once...
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“I’m so tired, I could sleep a horse.”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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“Slept through my alarm. Maybe it was a mistake to set it to play...”
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“Have you ever noticed that the people who believe in Intelligent Design the...”
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“These white corduroys are my white wale.”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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“Five clean minutes? Piece of fucking cake, bitches.”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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“New sketch from Peter Rogers - It Never Ends (Topic: “Useless Skills”)...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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cwj replied to your post:
Mitt Romney’s plan to model federal immigration enforcement on the Arizona model won’t scale. You’ve discounted polyamory.
Chris wins the Internet.
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Mitt Romney's plan to model federal immigration...
There aren’t enough Border Patrol agents to secretly date all the undocumented aliens.
My brain, she is broken
Well, not so much broken as sadly warped by the soup of pop culture in which it has swum, lo these many years.
TheWife played ‘STATELY’ in WWF.
Now all I want is for the next two words played to be, ‘WAYNE’ and ‘MANOR’.
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“Why do you get dizzy when you play on the soccer field? Y’all roll on the...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Free cardiac event for y'all
Someone try this idea I just had and have your estate contact me with your last words:
Take Cheetos (or Cheese Doodles in Wise-land)
Inject with cream cheese
Batter
Deep fry
Eat
Clutch chest
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“I’m thinking about giving up vowels for lnt.”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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“When David Attenborough’s out filming possums, do you think they get...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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cwj replied to your post: I remember an interview with James Blake a few years ago… You meant lintelligent conversation, right?
I remember an interview with James Blake a few...
…where he was asked whom on the ATP tour was good for an intelligent conversation. He said Todd Martin, then paused mute for a few seconds trying to come up with a second player.
I’m curious if any sportswriters are going to drop the racist puns long enough to ask Jeremy Lin the same question about the NBA.
Vacmaster!!!
Best. Valentine’s present. Ever.
It arrived today and I thought I’d do a quick unpack…prior to vacuum packing.
The box is pretty damn big and these photos don’t do it justice. Suffice it to say this is 50 solid pounds in a hefty box.
Here’s the top packaging, with the sealer bar and a couple of the filler plates visible.
Our first view of the vacmaster in...
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“When ugly people look at their reflection, what do they see? I’m asking...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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“I need to leave the house to research wireless routers; if my Netgear finds out...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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“Ron and Rand Paul are always disappointed when they realize Presidents’...”
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“If this guy tells me he wants to “open the kimono” one more time,...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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“That little bitch, Annie should STFU. She thinks she’s got a “hard...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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“I bring my used drinking straws to this weird sex researcher. He uses them as...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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“New sketch from Peter Rogers - WWHD? (Topic: “A walk in the woods”)...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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“Love me! Notice me! Fill the gaping hole where my parents’ approval should...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
I see. Tell Colleen...
…that I’m done with the neuropuns.
If it weren't for Jack, I'd often feel like a...
…he gets me.
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“My whole life, I’ve been convinced Nora Ephron’s middle name is...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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“I used to be a professional sinner; I was laid off. Unemployment only gives me...”
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“Query: why do professional and semi-professional adults become giddy when given...”
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“[Franklin Roosevelt] was just like a daddy to me always; he always talked to me...”
– Lyndon B. Johnson, responding to the death of President Franklin D. Roosevelt. FDR had been Johnson’s patron and role model, and Johnson first won election to Congress by emphasizing his support for Roosevelt and the New Deal.
New York Times, Apr 13, 1945, qtd in Randall B. Woods, LBJ: Architect...
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“I tried being more empathetic to his plight. But all I got was a case of...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Tumblr sin
I saw a few of these today and figured what the hell, I’ll do one.
I crosspost. A lot. I don’t care if it irks people. My blog; my choice.
Tough joke; archaic and obscure word
I’m nowhere near figuring out how to put this joke together, but even if I could nail it, it would be a tough sell.
It’s Hamilton and Burr on the Heights of Weehawken, Hamilton proclaims his intent as he shoots and says, “I delope,” but Burr hears, “I’d elope,” and that’s why he shoots.
Of course, I have no idea why mishearing that would make...
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“Thomas Jefferson just thought “Louisiana” was a slave with an...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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“I was having sex and started to wonder, how did our parents do it without...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
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“Ladies are a romantic dreamy lot, so my Valentine’s card must be able to...”
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My contribution to the “How to pronounce...
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“That’s no lisp. Cindy Brady was fluent in parseltongue.”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju