October 2011
September 2011
It's for the best I'm on vacation and relaxed and...
Because I would ptobably tear several new assholes into anyone stupid enough to spout that ‘take any job’ garbage.
I have a job. I make what is considered in most circles a shit-ton of money. I am very happy that is the case. I also am not a fucking moron, so I realize that bankers, the Fed, CEOs, and the rest of the powers that be (who make one or two or even three orders of...
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Embarrassing confession
I’m anti-vax.
Actually, I’m not really a fan of old DEC hardware in general.
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40 Publishing Buzzwords... decoded for you
scribnerbooks:
One Minute Book Reviews has gathered together publishers favorite buzzwords (guilty as charged) and what they really mean… according to industry veterans.
Our favorites:
“absorbing”: “makes a great coaster”
“accessible”: “not too many big words”
“acclaimed”: “poorly selling”
“breakout book”: “Hail Mary pass”
“brilliantly defies categorization”: “even the author has no clue what...
Something I really miss here on the Tumblr...
Support for Scrippets.
CSI: SS
(Fuiru’s great post earlier reminded me of this piece I wrote in ‘09. Ah, the days when I used to write daily.)
EXT. ESTABLISHING URBAN BROWNSTONE – DAY
A prewar neighborhood in slight disrepair, but holding it together. Police cars on the street. Sidewalks barricaded.
INT. APARTMENT – DAY
Books, furniture, and bits of white fluff strewn everywhere. Two plainclothes detectives...
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What makes me sexy
I carry bacon around in my pocket. Sometimes liver treats, too.
All the bitches love me.
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Write one leaf in which you invent a cure for...
writeoneleaf:
Your cure need not actually work.
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“So I says to Mabel, ‘Mabel,’ I says, ‘you gotta get yourself one a them’ whatdyacallit, uh, ‘assilating fans.’ You know the kind I mean, right?” he asked. I nodded and looked at my watch again; he didn’t take...
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Seltzerlizard: An Excerpt From The Museum Of Gods... →
seltzerlizard:
by Douglas Robert Turek The museum has many entrances and exits, of different sizes and shapes and styles. Some of the doors to the museum date back to when the gods would walk in and out of it. Those doors, mostly on the northern and eastern sides, enter into the Great Halls, which rise up…
Heritage
1/2 British Isles mutt + 1/4 Sephardic mutt + 1/4 Jewish Kurd.
My ire is growing steadily as this percolates...
I follow Kelly Oxford ‘cause sometimes she’s funny. But I think that’ll have to stop now.
Unless it was some incredibly subtle piece of satire I missed, she actually thought she - encased in two tons of steel - had right of way and was an innocent victim of the verbal abuse of someone who had the temerity not to want to be run over in a parking lot. Furthermore, she reached out...
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Why Misanthropes Rock #3 (Obviously there will be...
We won’t come up to you when you’re deeply immersed in a book and interrupt you to ask what you’re reading. We don’t care; you benefit by being left in peace.
“The Apollo 10 mission launched on May 18, 1968 and was a manned “dry run” for...”
– The mission to find the missing lunar module
Apparently, British amateur astronomer Nick Howes has never watched a science fiction movie in his life. This can’t end well. There is obviously going to be some alien slime mold lying dormant in the LM that will come to kill us all if we find the...
Former Oscar Host Steve Martin Gives Helpful... →
If you feel tired midway through, give Neil Patrick Harris a Red Bull and throw some sheet music at him.
Why?
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I've suffered through multiple seasons of Douche...
I know I’m in the minority. I know her 1.21 gigawatt smile seems to win over men and women alike. I cannot stand her.
On the plus side, TheWife hates her too, so I think we just freed up 30 minutes a week.
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Write one leaf about a time when you were afraid.
redcloud:
writeoneleaf:
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I would, but I’m scared it would be too lame.
This one time, I was afraid. But then I stopped being afraid and started being awesome.
True story.
Okay...I've now finished through season 5 of...
There was a clearly conscious decision made to start completely fresh with 11. It begins with the change to the opening theme (which has not and never will grow on me; the previous arrangement was vastly superior), extended through the cinematography (I’d have to check, but it looks so different I think they even changed cameras), and came to full fruition by avoiding all past companions and...
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myrm replied to your post: Ugh. Can’t get this joke formulated. “Damnit, vultures. You can have the BRAAAIIINNNSS if you just quit following me around!! They’re too many calories, anyhow.” - Karen Carpenter
Also a nice effort.
From now...
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dielaughing replied to your post: Ugh. Can’t get this joke formulated. Why do vultures, suddenly appear, every time you are BRAAAAIIIINS. —Zombie Karen Carpenter
That’ll do, pig.
Ugh. Can't get this joke formulated.
When I’m feeling like I should be funny (not that I am funny; rather, that I should be funny) and don’t have any other inspiration, I fall back on song lyrics. Sometimes the jokes come together; sometimes they don’t cohere. This one…it feels like it should work. Here are the pieces I have:
Karen Carpenter’s shambling corpse (she’s a zombie, natch)
Said...
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that thing where I've been trying to put this new...
marleymarley:
it won’t be easy. but it’ll work.
You know who’s surprisingly good at squeezing the most out of small spaces? Lionel Richie.
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Write one leaf in which you describe how you act...
writeoneleaf:
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That. Dumb. Bitch.
I’ve got a tea to get to and here she is, wasting my time with inanities and absurdities and, and, and loads of other itties. I’ve a good mind to drop a few pellets into a cuppa for her. Teach her a thing or three about taking time from busy people.
Harumph.
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Why Misanthropes Rock #2 (in, I guess it's now a...
We have no friends, so when you sit near us on a plane, on a train, or in a café, you can read, write, or contemplate your thoughts in peace. We won’t be yammering on about the Delta Psi mixer, last night’s Jersey Shore, or whether Kantian transcendental objects represent a separate ontological domain.
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Secret Tumblr message
Yeah, yeah, opinions are like assholes; everyone has one. What they neglected to tell you was that like assholes, they’re not all the same.
Some are like crisp Vonnegut asterisks and some are puffy and inflamed, but most are just perpetually filled with shit.
The key is figuring out which is which.
I get crankier about people making broad and...
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The UN dated your mom after the divorce and kept...
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The UN gives out Necco Wafers on Halloween.
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The UN robocalls during TOP CHEF.
.
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The UN puts the empty milk jug back in the fridge.
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The UN leaves the toilet seat up.
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The UN drives slow in the left lane.
on the phone with Mike Huckabee recording. he...
atsirhc:
i don’t know political stuff.
but i do know how to say PLEASE PUT ME ON THE DO NOT CALL LIST, KTHXBAI.
I heard the UN always answers, “Plastic,” at the grocery store.
