December 2009
Destroying the Earth, Over and Over →
Peter’s take on the “The End of the World” edition of Sketchwar: “Destroying the Earth, Over and Over”.
"waiting for the bread to rise"
(via toosweet4rnr)
Er, uh…you might want to try some Lotrimin first.
2 tags
I am deeply wounded that the GLEE fans didn't...
Microsoft Word
karinanotcinerina:
How is it that Microsoft Word is not familiar with the word “selfishness” but knows the word “fisticuffs?” It knows “mountebanks” and “bedfellows” yet does not know “hijinks” or “absurdism?”
That’s unpossible.
Have you written a lot of “Pride and Prejudice” fanfic and added terms to your dictionary?
Impressively missed. Shot that one straight into...
"putting off getting on my motorcycle for a cold...
(via doublejack)
Wow. That’s some advanced stuff you want to do there. Be sure you and your three partners limber up first and double check all your knot work.
I stopped on my way home to get Yellow Dog a toy...
(via aimee-b-loved)
TheWife and I didn’t get presents for each other or any family members. But our dog…he’s got a stocking full of toys and treats. We’re those people.
I think the problem starts when you consider what...
inthefade:
Rethink that and you might spend less time thinking about it at all.
While nicer in tone, I’m not sure how this is different in content from, “you’re doing it wrong.”
I’m not saying that any reason/rationale for using Twitter is right or “more” right. I’m saying to each her own. So if someone were to view it as providing a service,...
I think Die Hard is the best Christmas movie ever.
(via frageelaytwit)
I concur.
But I think Rounders is the best Thanksgiving movie ever,1 so I’m a little out-there.
1 No. None of it takes place over Thanksgiving. It just feels like Thanksgiving.
Chinatown Christmas
A little more in-season, here’s a Christmas sketch. What’s that? Yes. Yes I am reblogging myself from Mother’s Day. But our attention spans are so short I’m okay with that.
==
INT. CAR - DAY
The rain is pouring from the leaden sky in buckets on an unseasonably warm Christmas day. NOAH, late 20s, attentively pilots a sturdy SUV through heavy New York traffic. His father...
Magical Audits
This is from this past April and is vaguely, sort-a, kind-a seasonal. Really, it’s tax-seasonal but I think you’ll see how it relates to this week. If you like it, you should check out Sketch War.
==
INT. IRS OFFICE - DAY
CLARK FRENELL (40s, gray suit, his picture is next to “ectomorph” in the dictionary) stands a respectful distance behind DEATH, hand on the doorknob to leave.
...
Him: Hoar!
Her: What's wrong?
Him: It's just really *cold* outside.
Still don't like it.
polar-bear:
coyotesqrl:
plaidlemur:
blanddiva11:
I wouldn’t want to be a bear because they kill you & make a rug out of you. Then everybody either walks or jizzes on you.
If being shot down, jizzed on, and walked all over were what I was supposed to be, I’d be a bear in front of a hearth. (meh.)
Being jizzed on in front of a fireplace sounds good if you’re not a flattened,...
Still don't like it.
plaidlemur:
blanddiva11:
I wouldn’t want to be a bear because they kill you & make a rug out of you. Then everybody either walks or jizzes on you.
If being shot down, jizzed on, and walked all over were what I was supposed to be, I’d be a bear in front of a hearth. (meh.)
Being jizzed on in front of a fireplace sounds good if you’re not a flattened, glass-eyed bear.
I bet bears have an...
Why is there a motherfucking Santa mask on my...
(via pocketcontents)
Because the Tumblr “engineers” were too busy to work on platform stability, DNS issues, replication issues, or a public API. Instead, they wanted to tart the place up. Again.
Go here and select, “None.”
daniellei:
thedarkspark:
britticisms:
“This...
OK, last ditch thought process to get me to San...
xntrek:
Anyone work for Homeland Security?
I think I need to be arrested as a “person of interest” by Homeland security for investigation of “concerning activities” in the San Francisco Bay Area.
This will require extradition orders (which I will not fight) and a flight to a Bureau Building in San Francisco where I will be interviewed for an hour, found to be of “no discernible assistance nor...
Wow. No love for my Blazing Saddles tweet.
A big fat bagel’s-worth of stars for my Mongo Horde tweet. I’m befwizzlepated.
I can only hope people thought it was a typo of Mongol.
I hope someone I follow, who follows me, doesn't...
Talk about your animal stacks.
I was given a box of chocolates the other day, and...
terrybain:
pufflepie:
(via rsmallbone)
And to think some people don’t believe in the miracle of Christmas.
After the top layer it’s turtles all the way down.
ARB for recursion.
I went Christmas shopping today. The most...
bliccy:
I think that means I lose at Christmas.
If you’re losing, it’s because you only bought yourself one blouse.
1 tag
"I haven't been drinking. Except for the NyQuil."
<3
"Cooling my broccoli"
People who've died in the 2000's whom I thought...
redcloud:
plaidlemur:
Robert Palmer
Rick James
Pat Morita
Luther Vandross
Suzanne Pleshette
I’m sure the list is longer, but I just saw some brief retrospective thingy on the interwebs.
Bruce Willis was dead the whole decade!
JACK HOLT!!!
How about a spoiler alert! Some of us haven’t finished the decade yet!
You can never, ever have enough Mongols.
(via redcloud)
With that, I agree.
It’s when there are too many Mongos you have problems. Webster can only be in one place at a time, two if he can convince Gary Coleman to dress up.
Chapter 2: Paul's Wounds →
Amos visits Paul in the hospital as Anaïs brings us a little deeper into Paul’s world.
A quiet hissing sound was the first thing Paul heard upon waking. He was in a hospital bed now but the sound was not from any monitoring device he was attached to. He opened his eyes and saw the familiar freckled face above him, quieting him. Paul instantly tried to lurch forward but Amos held him down by...
1 tag
I can't heart math.
(via marleymarley)
Your mom was a lisper. MATT killed your mother.
My egg sandwich is giving me heart palpatations. ...
(via stacey727)
Nah. The anti-oxidant properties of the dark chocolate are just engaged in a little close quarter fighting in your cardiacal areas. It’s a losing battle for the fat, LDL and nitrates. Give it a few minutes more and if you’re feeling woozy, just drink a bottle of good red wine. The resveratrol will clean up the remaining forces.*
*Please note that all the above is...
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, sit next to me.”
– Dorothy Parker, who I wanted to be when I was sixteen. (via love-and-radiation)
ARB for Dot.
I got my results from the design portfolio review.
brienis:
I got accepted into the next class but not in the way I wanted. It was basically the “we let you in but you’re not good enough for the BFA program” result and now I’m sad and upset and I’m in one of those giving up moods and I’m just going to be over here feeling sorry and mad at myself.
They probably say that to the most promising candidates to make them work even harder. You will...
