January 2012
1 tag
“Man, I really wish Underdog were here. My shoes are looking a bit dull.”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 27th
4 notes
1 tag
“I write jokes so obscure, Google can’t come up with sidebar ads in Gmail.”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 27th
9 notes
1 tag
“Newt spends so much time in the uncanny valley with Callista, Mitt seems...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 27th
2 notes
1 tag
“Have y’all seen this new indie flick, NEWT AND THE REAL GIRL?”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 27th
2 notes
1 tag
“I’m a software engineer by trade, so as you can imagine I have quite an...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 26th
4 notes
“The uncomfortable fact is that the prosperity of the modern state of Arizona has...”
– Tom Zoellner (via azspot) That’s so cute. As if actually the “roof beams are nailed tight” and not stuck on with used chewing gum in these cookie-cutter shit boxes.
Jan 26th
27 notes
Mitt Romney's Weekend (2008) →
I wrote this back in February of ‘08, but some things never go out of style. Like comparing Mitt Romney to a robot.
Jan 26th
3 notes
1 tag
“Must have been a typo on my Girl Scout Cookie order. I got my six boxes of Thin...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 26th
3 notes
Jan 26th
154 notes
1 tag
“Dwight moves to the backwoods and becomes a trapper. We learn which bear really...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 26th
2 notes
“There is a potential that there are companies that are using aborted human...”
– Oklahoma State Senator Ralph Shortey, who filed a bill to ban the making and selling in that state of food or products that use aborted human fetuses. Oklahoma. Where all the important issues have been solved. (via cwj) Someone should inform Senator Shortey that those qualify as *natural*...
Jan 25th
9 notes
Jan 25th
37 notes
Jan 25th
257 notes
1 tag
“New sketch from Peter Rogers - Next Time (Topic: “Star Trek”) [by Andrew Pish]...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 25th
1 note
Jan 25th
53 notes
Jan 24th
14 notes
Jan 24th
24 notes
My next project...
A wacky weekly murder mystery, with a vibe of Scooby-Doo crossed with Charlie’s Angels. Peterson Girls: The Laci and Stacy Adventure Hour The reincorporated ghosts of Laci and Stacy Peterson (“No relation!”) drive around the country solving crimes involving missing girls. Each week, one of the girls falls in love with the distraught husband/boyfriend and needs to be saved in...
Jan 24th
8 notes
The owner of my coffee shop and I had a water...
I crushed. Literally. I finished that bottle of water in seconds and left her in the dust. I’m so proud. This is the biggest accomplishment I’ve had in 2012. (I need a new job/life/something.)
Jan 24th
20 notes
5 tags
Jan 24th
8 notes
Jan 24th
20 notes
1 tag
“New in #sketchwar - The Licensing Conundrum http://t.co/CwbySYwg”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 24th
1 note
1 tag
“New in #sketchwar - Faustian Training http://t.co/tKILoP0P”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 24th
2 notes
1 tag
“If one of these clowns were to become President, I’m pretty sure I’d...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 24th
10 notes
Lies, damn lies, and fucking bullshit advocacy ads
If I see those fucking “Corn Sugar” ads too many more times, I’m going to find every lactose-intolerant copywriter, actor, ad exec, and corn industry fucker associated with them and hook them up to feeding tubes like geese. Then I’ll just poor pure lactose down their gullets hour after hour while screaming, “sugar is sugar!” If the FTC weren’t toothless...
Jan 23rd
21 notes
1 tag
“New in #sketchwar - Follow Your Dream http://t.co/XoDYa5k1”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 22nd
1 note
1 tag
“Newt was on HOUSE HUNTERS. He kept complaining that none of the master baths had...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 21st
4 notes
1 tag
“Meet me at the corner of C and G streets.” Every third street is C or G or...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 20th
6 notes
1 tag
“Dear DOJ, the Internet is built on ARPANET’s old bones; DOD runs...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 20th
3 notes
1 tag
“. @inthefade Is this an (insert ethnic stereotype target of choice) wake? If so,...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 20th
2 notes
1 tag
“For want of a proofreader, the Colonels instituted marital law. The coup fell...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 19th
8 notes
“The president interprets the Constitution as president. If the court makes a...”
– Newt Gingrich, who hopes to be the GOP nominee, and is also crazy. (via wilwheaton) It didn’t work when Tom-Tom Jefferson tried to ignore his cousin John, but Tommy Boy weren’t half the man Newtie are, right?
Jan 19th
523 notes
1 tag
“She’d never seen someone with a body like mine, like a trophy. Correction:...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 19th
5 notes
I finally started reading Joe Hill’s Heart-Shaped Box. Guess what fucking earworm I’m going to have all weekend.
Jan 19th
2 notes
1 tag
“I wish someone told me when I became a software engineer: no matter how hard you...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 19th
6 notes
1 tag
“I told her I preferred Kentucky Bourbon; she shoved me into an oak barrel.”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 19th
2 notes
1 tag
“She told me I was like a fine scotch, or at least I would be if I crawled into a...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 19th
3 notes
1 tag
“Kids whining about Wikipedia, those who think the Onion is real, and those who...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 18th
15 notes
1 tag
“I’m going to finish off this fifth of vodka and then blackout to protest...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 18th
10 notes
1 tag
“How does she drive w/o a steering wheel? @mathcat345: I have a friend who told...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 18th
7 notes
1 tag
“She was a tall drink of water…that went down the wrong pipe.”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 18th
11 notes
Jan 18th
14 notes
SOPA lives—and MPAA calls protests an "abuse of... →
wilwheaton: The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) has looked at tomorrow’s “Internet blackout” in opposition to the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA)—and it sees only a “gimmick,” a “stunt,” “hyperbole,” “a dangerous and troubling development,” an “irresponsible response,” and an “abuse of power.” “Wikipedia, reddit, and others are going dark to protest the legislation, while sites like...
Jan 18th
2,643 notes
1 tag
nolagrrlnyc replied to your quote: “If a snowclone falls in the forest, does it make… now you’re just Pullum my leg I hadn’t an opportunity to reblog this over the weekend, but I didn’t forget. Oh no. This is some damn fine punnery (to those who know who Geoff Pullum is.) So fine, that I emailed Professor Pullum to let him know his name had been used as a punchline, to...
Jan 18th
17 notes
Truthful Tuesday
When people say, “Follow your bliss,” all I hear is, “Please punch me in the fucking face because mommy and daddy still give me an allowance no matter how badly I screw up.”
Jan 18th
21 notes
1 tag
“Characterization faux pas on #thegoodwife Jackie would be just as unhappy with...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 16th
3 notes
1 tag
“. @TinyJesus The devil’s greatest trick happens when you pull the...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 15th
6 notes
1 tag
“The keenest description of humanity I have ever read. http://t.co/BiKY1yZU...”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 15th
2 notes
1 tag
“If a snowclone falls in the forest, does it make a cliche?”
– http://bit.ly/Aryeju
Jan 14th
7 notes
Jan 14th
12 notes